The prego diet!

Yup. That's right, I'm pregnant with baby number 3. And let's just say so far it has not been a picnic! Loving two toddlers and a puppy is surely enough for any expectant, but then add a sad and costly mistakeby a nurse. What a week. I was told to quit my meds immediately since meds aren't safe during my first trimester. It seems that she didn't know the repercussions of stopping a SSRI cold turkey. In my situation this could of caused Sarotonin Syndrome! Google that one!

So needeless to say, I haven't been myself and haven't been able to make it to the gym. This really bums me out. I know it's Wednesday already, but I'm really hoping to get back there THIS WEEK! I just have no motivation... BOO! Here's to getting my butt back in gear.

xoxox,
Shan

To the gym whale woman!

So thanks to Planet Fitness' $10 mo. $10 down I have now have a gym membership. Last night I spoke to the trainer Ryan. I'm stoked and I can't wait. I'm thinking about going again tonight so I can get a legitimate workout in. But it's my tv night.... sigh.... decisions decisions. Oddly enough I almost don't care that it's tv night....

YES I am gonna go tonight. TV be damned! I feel soooo much better after visiting the gym! OK well off to color with my girl. :-)

xoxox,
Shan

Toro! Toro!

Let's just say I'm egging it on!!!!

Up is down and Down is up... CRAAAAAAP!

I think I'm getting my memo's completely screwed up here. I started at 218 and I am heading in the direction of 137. However I think I got on the fast track going through the scenic route.... I am now 221!!!!! What the deuce???

That's all I have to say right now..... completely discouraged.

Eh? What'd ya say? I can't hear ya, my hip hurts.

UGHA!!!!! Uber frustration! So I've been on the Metformin for about a month and low and behold had horrible, horrible side effects. I had horrible pain! I constantly felt as though I was getting or having my period for 2 months straight, and I know you women know what I mean. Sometime it felt as though I was actually having contractions it was so bad. A couple of times I thought I was going to have to go to the doctors because I was either having an etopic pregnancy or a miscarriage. :-( My hip hurt so bad I thought it was my sciatica hurting me. It got to the point that while on vacation I could hardly move.

So since I was mad and frustrated about gaining more weight and thinking that it was my weight causing me so much pain I decided to just say forget the drugs. I would just starve myself and exercise. ... so three days after stoping the Metformin all my pain and suffering went away. Again I say UGHA!!!! 

So I'm mad, I'm frustrated and damn it I'm gonna loose this fat. I can't take it anymore. I seriously am self conscious though. I feel like people are going to look at me and say things like "Ew that fat girl's fat is jiggling." Silly I know. So instead I have decided to jog with the Wii Fit and work out on Time Warner Cables Channel 1067, there work out routines on demand. I will loose this weight. Even if it kills me doing it! 

What a loser!

OK some of you maybe thinking, "Woohoo congrats Shan!", well hold the applause. I'm not a weight loss loser. I'm the L to the forehead kind of loser. I've gained weight and a considerable amount too. :-( Needless to say I'm more frustrated than before. Angry at myself. Why I'm not sure. Is it because I feel like this is something I can't control. Not sure. I am starting to feel at this point that only GOD can help this sorry loser.

Now before I describe what has been going on with me, NO I am NOT pregnant. I have taken two tests both negative, which is what I think makes this whole thing worse. Here are some of the things I have been experiencing.

• I'm three weeks late
• I'm starving all the time
• I'm craving carbs
• I'm exhausted
• Having terrible cramps
• Bloating beyond belief!

So yeah add frustration in there and I am just a barrel of laughs right now. I went from my starting weight of 218 to 212.2 which was great! I am doing the same things that I did then, now. Nothing has changed and yet as of this morning I weigh 219.8! I seriously wanted to take the scale and chuck it out the window! I mean come on, ugha. 

At this point I am considering starting a Wii Fit Club. So at the very least if I don't loose weight at least my friends can. Oi Vey! 

Metfomin and Fat girl; Bondage at it's best.

No this isn't a post about sex so get your head out of the gutter people! It's about how Metformin and I have been getting along.

A part of me is extremely apprehensive to tell my family that I am on Metformin. 1.) because they will say "OH you have diabetes, that's why they gave you on a diabetes medication." 2.) because they will follow up with, "See all that excesses eating that has made you over weight gave you diabetes." This kind of irritates me a bit because blood sugar issues are genetic so it's really their fault not mine. And I'm over weight because of my insulin NOT getting the sugar to the blood properly, but instead storing the sugar as fat and then producing extra insulin to get the sugar where it has to go. Vicious cycle. (one of the many issues that I deal with due to insulin resistance.) The only way to stop it is, well, by not eating, but that's not good either. Metformin aids the insulin into the blood stream. And no I do not have diabetes. Trying to explain this to anyone in my family, who doesn't have a medical background, is like talking to a brick wall and hurts about as much as running into one. So I guess for now I will keep this my dirty little secret.

So the weight loss saga starts again. I somehow crept back up to my starting weight of 218lbs. :-( Completely disheartening. But within this last week I have lost a total of 5.8 lb without changing much of anything. Go me! I can only hope that this trend continues. :-) If so, I will be down to 200lbs by my anniversary. And that's the lowest I will have weighted in years.

The only real major differences that I have noticed since starting the Metformin is my loss in appetite. Before my insulin was storing the sugars from food right away instead of using it, so my body was always tell me "YOU'RE HUNGRY! EAT MORE! NOW!" I always felt as though I was starving, and seriously you can look at me and know that I am not. Some of the side effects are not pretty, like having a very personal relationship with the porcelain throne, thankfully this has not plagued me.

Oh and my love for sugar, mostly ice cream... well it's so sad to say that I think it's gone. I had regular ice cream last night instead of my typical frozen yogurt, and the amount of sugar in it seemed like there was enough to feed a small colony of humming birds. I never noticed how much sugar was in ice cream before. It actually made me sick to my stomach! I definitely don't crave sugar the way I use to. Coincidence? I think not. And there are certain food that just don't appeal to me anymore, again I don't think that this is coincidence.

Well nap time is over for my little mobile monsters as I hear their cries coming from the back end of the house, where their bedrooms are located. So I must sign off for now. But it really seems as though Sir Metformin has strapped Fat girl down and has really started whipping her into shape. :-D

Metformin Study

Metformin has Many Benefits for Women with PCOS: Glucophage Offers Relief to Women with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

Aunt Flo! How are you!? Where have you been?

Lucky me. One of my symptoms of PCOS is the lack of a menstrual cycle. Now I know what some of you may be thinking, "You're one lucky byotch!" Sure, sure I totally understand this! However, it also isn't the healthiest thing in the world to have no menstrual cycle, the way I do. Yes I have had them in the recent past, but only birth control pill induced. My last natural menses was the day of our wedding, yeah lucky me, and of course I only had it for that one day. I am now 20 days shy of making it 6 complete years with out a natural menses.

But today is also an amazing day. Today IS the first day since my wedding day that I HAVE HAD a natural menses! This makes me want to do flips and summersaults, well it would if I wasn't totally cramping right now. Being on metformin for one week with no change in weight except up and I was getting concerned that this wasn't the way for me. I am now beginning to think that it is only the beginning of something amazing to come.

Wish me luck! Today my faith has been renewed and I feel like that my goal is actually possible now. And here we go!

xoxox,
Shan

Showing A Little Leg!!!

I have been absent from my blog writing how sad! I'm sorry to those of you who have enjoyed reading my rants... Sadly so much has been going on in my little world that I have gotten side tracked. Like a 1st birthday of my little monsters. (I am now officially doomed. They say if you don't loose the fat by the baby's first birthday that you will never be able to take it off. Who are they exactly? Because in case they didn't notice I had the fat long before I had the baby(s).)

So summer is officially here and a part of me really hates it. When you are this fluffy, in this weather, I swear sometimes all you have to do is look cross-eyed and you can break into a sweat. I have had this urge, so far this summer, to go swimming like none other. It's weird because I really haven't wanted to go swimming in at least 8 years. Not only that, but I haven't worn shorts in about 6 years. That's when I started gaining all the weight thanks to my Ticking P.C.O.S. Time Bomb.

But it is something about this summer, every time I see a pool I just want to jump in it. And I broke down and finally bought a pair of shorts. Granted they are the long kind with cargo pockets, but I really like those kind of shorts anyway, and they happen to look great on me. They come down just past my knee to hide the fact that I have sausage legs. You know the type where you can't even tell there is a joint amongst all the fluff? I think my legs and my once perfectly flat stomach are the two places that kill me the most when I look at them. GRRRR.

So I thought that I would finally go running a few days ago to realize that the stroller was in the back of David's car, and I won't mention why it is that I haven't tried to go running since. *couLAZINESSgh* Then I thought well I could defiantly go tomorrow morning, but I realized that I can't. I don't have a sports bra... seriously, forget giving myself black eyes I would knock my head clear off!!! So that is once again postponed. :-(

Today I had to go to the General Practitioner for a UTI. Ick. I also told her that I stopped taking my birth control because how it affects not just my energy level my libido too. While I was there I talked with her about my PCOS and using Metformin as a way of aiding my body in not only keep PCOS under wraps but also being able to jump start my weight loss since I have evidently hit my permanent plateau. I am exercising and eating a proper diet but these things alone are not getting me over my hump. So with that said, after my yummy dinner, I will be walking my fluffy butt to the pharmacy to pick up my new prescriptions.

xoxox,
Shan

The Red Squeaky Push-up Bra

As I was getting ready to go to my friend's four year old daughter's birthday party I knew today was in fact going to be a sexy day. Now let's be realistic, big girls who were once perfectly proportioned Barbie Dolls do not have sexy days often. Most of the time they feel like their jiggly butt is folding over and eating all the elastic of their plain granny-panties. And that someone, somewhere, has got to be pointing and laughing at them, even if it's just the voices in their head. But YES! Today was a sexy day.

Maybe it was because I put on my bright red squeaky push-up bra. If I move just right the fabric rubs on the underwire and it squeaks. I'm surprised that someone hasn't asked if I have a mouse in my bra. The last time I owned a red push-up bra was in junior high when my boobs started as a cup size B and ended up as a cup size C by the end of the day. All I have to say is that I'm glad they didn't continue to grow at that rate because toping out at 40DD already poses problems for me, mostly acting as a second table surface that is closer to my mouth. I am 99.9% sure that I can somehow blame my inability to loose weight on them. But I remember the days I wore this red bra, and hung out with all my guy friends, and felt as though I not only had confidence but I somehow control their every move. Even today I felt as though I am the alpha in my marriage

It's as though the red bra has more power than all super heros combined. Not a single black bra can come close to compete with the red bra. I don't really get it. But I do know that with the boost I get from my red bra is not only a boost to my chest, but also to my confidence. And even though my husband still fines my granny-panty eating butt attractive, today I actually feel like it. Who knows, maybe tonight he will actually get lucky. ;-)

xoxox,
Shan

I'm so fat, when I shower my feet don't get wet.

OK so that isn't entirely true. Maybe this time last year this was true, but I think that may have had something to do with the two piranhas growing inside of me at the time. So I love my children very much and want to have more in the future, but not in this current body!

So sure some of you may think, "Shan you're going to do all that work to get your body as pre-baby as possible to just have to do it again? Well that's dumb!" Or is it? It is NOT healthy for me, or anyone, to weigh that much and have the added weight and stress on your body and also go through a pregnancy.

When I got pregnant with twinfants my body revolted by not allowing me to eat anything, the smell of everything was disgusting. I lost 30 lbs.... it was short lived as I started to live at Taco Bell in order to devour Grande Meal after Grande Meal.... hmmm that must be why I am so GRANDE! But seriously, I have PCOS so my ability to loose the weight is a little more difficult. "Insulin resistance causes your LDL and triglyceride levels ("bad" cholesterol) to increase, while decreasing your levels of HDL ("good" cholesterol). And since women with PCOS and insulin resistance already have a hard time with insulin production, the likelihood of developing diabetes is significantly increased. Furthermore, insulin resistance can contribute to weight gain and make losing weight difficult, which can be very frustrating for PCOS sufferers."

Enter Weight Watchers! Wow! I mean this is a no brainer. It isn't a "diet", it's a personal weight counselor. I don't have to buy 'Wendy Watchers' food totaling over $300 a month, plus the cost of other food for other, already, skinny people living in the same house. Instead I spend $300 or less on food a month for everyone in the house. They have helped me to "budget" my calories and to guilt me into exercising. ;-)

So my goal is to be at my target weight by the end of the year. 137 lbs I asked my husband to pick a number between 130 and 140 and this is the number he chose. (Thank God it was on higher end of the scale I don't think I could make it to 130) So now the rest of you can hold me accountable too!!!

With that said I need to go to bed to help that dent in my mattress become a little more permanent. God Bless, Sweet Dreams and take care!

xoxox,

Shan

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This is what it's about

This is about my journey and my realizations about loosing weight and finding that skinny girl that I haven't seen in 6 years! About all the ups & downs and all the medical and non-medical situations.

And along the way I hope I can give someone else the courage and strength to make a positive change in their life, whether it's weight loss or through spiritualism or even through mental house keeping.

xoxox

Shan