The Red Squeaky Push-up Bra

As I was getting ready to go to my friend's four year old daughter's birthday party I knew today was in fact going to be a sexy day. Now let's be realistic, big girls who were once perfectly proportioned Barbie Dolls do not have sexy days often. Most of the time they feel like their jiggly butt is folding over and eating all the elastic of their plain granny-panties. And that someone, somewhere, has got to be pointing and laughing at them, even if it's just the voices in their head. But YES! Today was a sexy day.

Maybe it was because I put on my bright red squeaky push-up bra. If I move just right the fabric rubs on the underwire and it squeaks. I'm surprised that someone hasn't asked if I have a mouse in my bra. The last time I owned a red push-up bra was in junior high when my boobs started as a cup size B and ended up as a cup size C by the end of the day. All I have to say is that I'm glad they didn't continue to grow at that rate because toping out at 40DD already poses problems for me, mostly acting as a second table surface that is closer to my mouth. I am 99.9% sure that I can somehow blame my inability to loose weight on them. But I remember the days I wore this red bra, and hung out with all my guy friends, and felt as though I not only had confidence but I somehow control their every move. Even today I felt as though I am the alpha in my marriage

It's as though the red bra has more power than all super heros combined. Not a single black bra can come close to compete with the red bra. I don't really get it. But I do know that with the boost I get from my red bra is not only a boost to my chest, but also to my confidence. And even though my husband still fines my granny-panty eating butt attractive, today I actually feel like it. Who knows, maybe tonight he will actually get lucky. ;-)

xoxox,
Shan

I'm so fat, when I shower my feet don't get wet.

OK so that isn't entirely true. Maybe this time last year this was true, but I think that may have had something to do with the two piranhas growing inside of me at the time. So I love my children very much and want to have more in the future, but not in this current body!

So sure some of you may think, "Shan you're going to do all that work to get your body as pre-baby as possible to just have to do it again? Well that's dumb!" Or is it? It is NOT healthy for me, or anyone, to weigh that much and have the added weight and stress on your body and also go through a pregnancy.

When I got pregnant with twinfants my body revolted by not allowing me to eat anything, the smell of everything was disgusting. I lost 30 lbs.... it was short lived as I started to live at Taco Bell in order to devour Grande Meal after Grande Meal.... hmmm that must be why I am so GRANDE! But seriously, I have PCOS so my ability to loose the weight is a little more difficult. "Insulin resistance causes your LDL and triglyceride levels ("bad" cholesterol) to increase, while decreasing your levels of HDL ("good" cholesterol). And since women with PCOS and insulin resistance already have a hard time with insulin production, the likelihood of developing diabetes is significantly increased. Furthermore, insulin resistance can contribute to weight gain and make losing weight difficult, which can be very frustrating for PCOS sufferers."

Enter Weight Watchers! Wow! I mean this is a no brainer. It isn't a "diet", it's a personal weight counselor. I don't have to buy 'Wendy Watchers' food totaling over $300 a month, plus the cost of other food for other, already, skinny people living in the same house. Instead I spend $300 or less on food a month for everyone in the house. They have helped me to "budget" my calories and to guilt me into exercising. ;-)

So my goal is to be at my target weight by the end of the year. 137 lbs I asked my husband to pick a number between 130 and 140 and this is the number he chose. (Thank God it was on higher end of the scale I don't think I could make it to 130) So now the rest of you can hold me accountable too!!!

With that said I need to go to bed to help that dent in my mattress become a little more permanent. God Bless, Sweet Dreams and take care!

xoxox,

Shan

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This is what it's about

This is about my journey and my realizations about loosing weight and finding that skinny girl that I haven't seen in 6 years! About all the ups & downs and all the medical and non-medical situations.

And along the way I hope I can give someone else the courage and strength to make a positive change in their life, whether it's weight loss or through spiritualism or even through mental house keeping.

xoxox

Shan