A: She's fat and balding. :-(
This PCOS crap is really make me mad! I'm gaining weight rapidly... again... and now my hair is falling out in clumps. I'm so sick of being plagued with this. I have so many things I need to worry about like, playing with my kids and being a confident woman for them to look up to. Instead, I'm doing exercise classes, going to the gym, starving myself and now spending extra time, whenever I can, in front of a mirror. Not because I'm being self righteous and fixing my makeup... but because I'm looking for bald spots on my head. :'-(
Tonight, I feel alone. Like no one can possible understand what I'm going through. I have an appointment with the endocrinologist on October 18th, but I feel like I'll be completely bald by then. Not to mention I feel like my abdomen is going to explode sometimes, most recently with the pain from the cysts. I've been having so many insanely weird things going on with my body and my OBGYN is treating me like I'm a hypochondriac... telling me to take tylenol and that it isn't anything to worry about...
REALLY??!?!?!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I know my body, and this stuff is really weird and not normal for me. I'm in severe pain most days and you're just gonna sit there collecting your $200k a year and tell me not to worry this is normal.... Suddenly now that my husband and I have decided that we will not be having more children, I'm not as important as the Fertile Myrtle in her 20's huh?
I'm alone and scared. The only people who can help me, I have to wait until the 18th to see or don't want to schedule to see me at all. If there is anyone out there reading this blog, I feel like I'm falling apart physical right now and there is no help or hope. This is the worst part of this weight loss journey for me. Working my tail off and not getting any results or hope of getting any results because of the little trickster living in my body known as PCOS.
I just want to be me again.
xoxox,
Shan
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
From a potato sack to... jeans... and damn they look good!!!
So much has happened on this crazy journey in the short time since my last post.
ONE-
Aunt Flo FINALLY came to visit me on her own without having to be drugged... I had a super "YAY!!" moment and then an "ahhh crap, are you freakin' kidding me?" moment as I came upon this realization at work, with nothing at my disposal to be hospitable to the old crone.
a.) The "YAY!" Moment
So this was great because I am starting to loose enough weight and my
hormones are starting to level back out to do these things on their own.
Which means good things for the PCOS. Maybe this means my body is finally
starting to take back control!
TWO-
When Aunt Flo came whirling in she did it with force and destruction that Irene did all up and down the east coast. It didn't matter what I used to be hospitable to this twit of an Aunt... She wanted to make her mark... all over my nice clean jeans... Let me remind you that she showed up on the first day of three day work stint at work. This means I wasn't getting to laundry right away... so I HAD to buy more pants... But this is where this weight loss story gets good.
I brought in the typical size 16 and 18 jeans to try on. Most of the time in places like Target and Walmart I have to opt for the 18 because of how tight they are... I have never been a super fan of really tight jeans, on me or anyone else. That is something the 80's and 90's can gladly keep... Well I had been working my buns off at the gym and at ZUMBA so I thought I would try the 16's on first... I was soooo excited! I was able to pull the 16's up so fast I almost gave myself a wedgie!
I could have probably gotten the 14's and they would have been just as tight as they are typical suppose to be... stupid clothing industry, but I got the 16's instead. Let me say, in that moment I was so insanely proud of myself that I wanted to go to the gym again that night... but Auntie was being really dominating... so I had to put it on hold.
Even though my weight seems to be fluctuating a bit, clothing never lies to you the way a scale does. I'm pretty stoked about this new discovery and I hope that it keeps me motivated on this insanely difficult weight loss journey.
As for me right now, right this minute... off to sort through some stuff since we'll be moving within the next month and then to ZUMBA class tonight!
xoxox,
Shan
ONE-
Aunt Flo FINALLY came to visit me on her own without having to be drugged... I had a super "YAY!!" moment and then an "ahhh crap, are you freakin' kidding me?" moment as I came upon this realization at work, with nothing at my disposal to be hospitable to the old crone.
a.) The "YAY!" Moment
So this was great because I am starting to loose enough weight and my
hormones are starting to level back out to do these things on their own.
Which means good things for the PCOS. Maybe this means my body is finally
starting to take back control!
TWO-
When Aunt Flo came whirling in she did it with force and destruction that Irene did all up and down the east coast. It didn't matter what I used to be hospitable to this twit of an Aunt... She wanted to make her mark... all over my nice clean jeans... Let me remind you that she showed up on the first day of three day work stint at work. This means I wasn't getting to laundry right away... so I HAD to buy more pants... But this is where this weight loss story gets good.
I brought in the typical size 16 and 18 jeans to try on. Most of the time in places like Target and Walmart I have to opt for the 18 because of how tight they are... I have never been a super fan of really tight jeans, on me or anyone else. That is something the 80's and 90's can gladly keep... Well I had been working my buns off at the gym and at ZUMBA so I thought I would try the 16's on first... I was soooo excited! I was able to pull the 16's up so fast I almost gave myself a wedgie!
I could have probably gotten the 14's and they would have been just as tight as they are typical suppose to be... stupid clothing industry, but I got the 16's instead. Let me say, in that moment I was so insanely proud of myself that I wanted to go to the gym again that night... but Auntie was being really dominating... so I had to put it on hold.
Even though my weight seems to be fluctuating a bit, clothing never lies to you the way a scale does. I'm pretty stoked about this new discovery and I hope that it keeps me motivated on this insanely difficult weight loss journey.
As for me right now, right this minute... off to sort through some stuff since we'll be moving within the next month and then to ZUMBA class tonight!
xoxox,
Shan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)